Karl Pilkington Quotes

The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either,...

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a w...

At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'caus...

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University C...

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes a...

I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that ...

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos ...

The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people go...

I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a s...

I told her that I can't be doing with the Wonder part of these trips, but she said it should be the ...

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and ma...

People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

We seem to live in a world where you have to walk around grinning like a loon. I can’t understand al...

To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, i...

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his ...

I could eat a knob at night.

It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey

I think happiness is a bit like a cake. If you have cake every single day of your life you'll get si...

They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting,...

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

The problem is, these days you have to listen to too many parts of your body. Sometimes I go with my...

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by...

A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it...they might as well say "shite gateau

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

I was woken early and had breakfast with the guru. We had some spicy Rice Krispies and a spicy biscu...

It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to...

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

A dog has got human eyes.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions ...

I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that,...

I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And the...

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.

I don't know what 'famous' is, really.

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.

There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down wi...

How would I know which one I was?

Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?