Joke Quotes

I'll only go if there's cake.~Tobias "Four

For the advice in a joke is sometimes more useful than the most serious teaching.

These days every morning begins like a joke you think you have heard before, but there is no one tel...

Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course th...

Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good ...

Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immedia...

I like to prowl ordinary places.I feel sorry for us all or glad for us allcaught alive togetherand a...

An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what ...

I’m relieved to seethat even brilliant physicists make mistakes.”Kohler looked over. “What do you me...

The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing ...

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...

It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of w...

Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shout...

The joke loses everything when the joker laughs himself.

There was a seminar for advanced students in Zürich that I was teaching and von Neumann was in the c...

I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I ...

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian i...

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect...

I don't have a thing," Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles," she said...

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him ...

One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't...

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime.

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone els...

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.

I recall the story of the philosopher and the theologian... The two were engaged in disputation and ...

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

This is a wonderful joke to play upon a prisoner, to promise forgiveness.

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Then she called Gansey.It rang twice, three times, and then: "Hello?"He sounded boyish and ordinary....

There is no better taste than this: someone else's laughter in your mouth.

I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been ap...

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and lis...

I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the “lower animals” (so-called,) ...

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these:...

It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

Ugh!' snarled the Wolf, as he limped through the brushwood with his tail between his legs, 'this is ...

The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously inv...

Do you know why they call this place the Rookery?" Elodin asked. I shook my head."Because it's where...

I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to r...

The inmates made jokes about the chair, the way people always make jokes about things that frighten ...

Have you heard the joke about the chemist, physicist and economist who get wrecked on a desert isle,...