Louis CK Quotes

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Life isn't something you possess, it's something you take part in.

You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what ...

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, an...

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

Pamela, I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell yo...

I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen ...

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, ...

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you sho...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Shut up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. A...

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look...

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that ...

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a ...

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none per...

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I ...

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usual...

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a...

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a ti...

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's ...

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a w...

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part t...

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other st...

You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, y...

I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that...

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Life isn't something you possess, it's something you take part in.

You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what ...

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, an...

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

Pamela, I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell yo...

I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen ...

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, ...

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you sho...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Shut up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. A...

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look...

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that ...

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a ...

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none per...

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I ...

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usual...

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a...

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a ti...

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's ...

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a w...

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part t...

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other st...

You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, y...

I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that...

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.