Humorous-quotes Quotes

Forgive my asking you to use your mind. It is a thing which no novelist should expect of his reader....

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-p...

If you dont like my book write your own.

The pig was so earnest. So sincere. So very “there.” The pig brought gravity and mythic import to th...

I believe you to be strictly honorable.'He thoughtfully emptied his cup. 'I wish I could add you wer...

He stood at the table facing Flora and blowing heavily on his tea and staring at her. Flora did not ...

When you're twenty-one, life is a roadmap. It's only when you get to twenty-five or so that you begi...

She looked out and saw a tall and comely woman beckoning to her. Susannah's first look at Mia in the...

Learn more and Know more.

Shut your gob, You tell me nothing in my kennel. Here, I am Queen Bitch, and you will muzzle yoursel...

Down, boy! Couchant! I said couchant! No! Not rampant!

The Cubists are entitled to the serious attention of all who find enjoyment in the colored puzzle pi...

I can look a whole day with delight upon a handsome picture, though it be but of an horse.

Don't fight the system, mock the system

I'm a writer. I write checks. Mostly fiction.

No, I don't go to that restaurant anymore. No body goes there. It's too crowded.

A man who has shot lions in large quantities has an unfair advantage over other men.

you'll accomlish more with a kind word and a gun, than you will with a kind word alone.

Stupidity has a knack for getting its way.

It was [Hugh's] omnipresent fear that some woman might be foisted on him who would turn out to be an...

Podtyagin considers whether to take offence or not -- and decides to take offence.

And now here I was in McDonald's again for the first time since my earlier fracas. I vowed to behave...

His message perplexed his mind to that degree that he was fain, several times, to take off his hat t...

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as...

Me and Vinny are dead careful, and we only had sex once without a condom, our first time, and it's a...

It’s impossible to park on Tremont or even idle there for more than thirty seconds. A platoon of met...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told...

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

At the best of times, Father Bain's face resembled a clenched fist.

Eternity is a ham and two people” (also given as “Eternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip ...

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sen...

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting...

If dat ghost have money, I tells him never to haunt you less'n he wants to lose it!

You can't be too careful about work. It's the most dangerous habit known to medical science.

If the bonus army conquered Washington the lawyer had a boat hidden in the Sacramento River, and he ...

Piter: Ah-ah, Baron! Is it not regrettable you were unable to devise this delicious scheme by yourse...

Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.

I was very sorry to hear about your losses. Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we s...

Sex with a married woman ten years his senior was stress free and fulfilling, because it couldn't le...

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

Merry Christmas," said George. "Don't go downstairs for a bit.""Why not?" said Ron."Mum's crying aga...

Why are you worrying about you-know-who?You should be worrying about u-no-poo!The constipation sensa...

Okay, I've only just found out the final lineup for Slytherin," said Angelina, consulting a piece of...

Don't you understand how Cho's feeling at the moment?" [Hermione] asked."No," said Ron and Harry tog...

... With a slight miscalculated leap cleared to the iron picket fence. Put the fear of God into me, ...

Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pr...

Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children.

Think pink but don't wear it

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased".

You probably drink too much. If you hand me that bottle, I'll reduce your temptations. --Augustus "G...

There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instanc...

Tribal Chief 1: The will of the people is what is best. That is what democracy meansTribal Chief 2: ...

you're entirly bonkers but I'll tell you a secret all the best people are

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns a lesson he can learn in no other way.

By the time that adorable steak and I had become one flesh I could have taken on the whole Valmy cla...

I refuse to lie to children. I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.

I have come to see the nonsense of trying to describe fine scenery.

This country would get along much better if people learned how to suffer in silence.

I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with ...

A grayeyard is not a democracy, and yet death is the great democracy..

My parents had drinks and there were crudités for us- although they were not called crudités at the ...