Hilarious Quotes

Mr. Babcock pats my shoulder. He smiles, and the caterpillar mustache — the envy of state troopers e...

And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you co...

It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to b...

Come on," he said. "Bring the poker."I brought the tongs as well. I felt like it.

I had one of those ideas I do sometimes get, though admittedly a chump of the premier class.

It's brain," I said; "pure brain! What do you do to get like that, Jeeves? I believe you must eat a ...

Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you...," she kept repea...

And after his unparsable response, including a passage where he said he was 'blurring the boundaries...

Who grins in official circumstances?

Mockery be damned, my urine looked delicious.

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberato...

I grunted, hauling the rope hand over hand. A plaintive squeak came from the pulley system with each...

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so your

Kelsier rapped lightly on the door, and Dockson strolled over, pulling it open."And he makes his stu...

so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT ...

Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

She winced and covered her ears as Eric,onstage, wrestled with his microphone."Sorry about that, guy...

The posters bore the words WITH THE PASSING YEARS COMES...IMPOTENCE! Magnus found himself staring at...

Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? B...

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on slut...

As for the comparatively small class of violent crimes against persons, unconnected with any idea of...

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.

The point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to Harry —”“— and make no mistake, we’ll hear abou...

NOTHING HAS EVER LOOKED LIKE THAT EVER IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY,” he said. His enthusiasm was adorabl...

Talc: You have been found guilty of misleading and perverting the young. I decree that you be hung b...

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

Oh, my God!" Ignatius bellowed from the front of the house. "What an egregious insult to good taste.

This was the sort of girl who should be attending college, not ones like that dreadful Minkoff girl,...

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. ...

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.