Jokes Quotes

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man.

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

Mom, how come you never go outside?""I told you, I'm a vampire.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

I will cut taxes - cut taxes - for 95 percent of all working families, because, in an economy like t...

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

Why, if you only knew the secrets to which I'm p

Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the lo...

Is my coitus whimsically inventive?

I’m relieved to seethat even brilliant physicists make mistakes.”Kohler looked over. “What do you me...

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Childhood was the germ of all mistrust. You were cruelly joked upon and then you cruelly joked. You ...

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.

Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooos...

Jokes against the legal profession were what the legal profession loved most.

Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the...

Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionall...

Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia wh...

I wonder Pa went so easy. I wonder Grampa didn' kill nobody. Nobody never tol' Grampa where to put h...

Minds me of a story they tell about Willy Feeley when he was a young fella. Willy was bashful, awful...

Casy said, "Ol' Tom's house can't be more'n a mile from here. Ain't she over that third rise?"Sure,"...

Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' a...

Old Tom giggled, "Fooled ya, huh, Ma? We aimed to fool ya, and we done it. Jus' stood there like a h...

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes.

The right honorable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for hi...

To all you sensitive sallys out there who spend your time scribing angry letters, I have great news:...